I think my fart just growled at me.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
