I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
