I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
