remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
