I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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