Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
