ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
