You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
