My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize