she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
