Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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