like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
