I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
