You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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