I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
