break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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