I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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