I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
