marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
