we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
