in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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