You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
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