I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
