Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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