i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
