Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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