Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
