just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
