I like to think it a success when the cops are called
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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