my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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