You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize