tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
