"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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