This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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