Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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