you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
