some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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