(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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