is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
