Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize