dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
