Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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