I'm jealous of your bromance
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
