That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
