This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Im part way to drunk.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
