The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
