I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
We're too hungover to prance.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
