Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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