Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just found puke in my bra..
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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