I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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