I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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