So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
