He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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