Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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