I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
