she woke up with a sticky ear
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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