last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
