when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
