I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
