I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
