batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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