I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
