I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
