Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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