How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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