I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
my being single is dangerous.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
