there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
