I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
