nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
