the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
