I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
