I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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