Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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