If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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