Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
