My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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