you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
