he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
