I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
It's rum buckets o'clock
Randomize
