i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i think i have two assholes
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
