I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
