I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize