Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
