a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
