did you get engaged???
She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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