No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
