I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
