He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
