I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
