I feel great
I just peed on a car
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
