apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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