my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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