I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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