yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
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