Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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