He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
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