so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
