I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
This baby is an asshole
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
