I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
