imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
